“I’ll make this short” means “I’ll ramble for 10 paragraphs”

It’s now been many months since I gave up trying to answer all my email, and it only gets more necessary as traffic to PainScience.com climbs to several thousands of visitors per day (7000 on Monday). The logistical impossibility of answering all my email is constantly reinforced by a steady flow of impossible messages. For instance, every day now I receive at least a couple good examples of this doomed subspecies of email, which begins with some variation on “I’ll make this short”…and then they write 12 paragraphs, and conclude with a sweeping question that could not possibly be answered properly with less than an essay. For added futility, a popular variant focuses on medical issues I’m not remotely qualified to comment on.