It slices, it dices!

In addition to my endlessly entertaining hate mail, I have a whole class of messages from people trying to get me to endorse their treatment methods or products. I have rarely endorsed anything, ever, because I’m a picky bastard — I expect treatments not to be, you know, weird bullshit — but they don’t seem to know that about me. This pitch for a back pain treatment had a dazzlingly confident je ne sais quoi that made it share-worthy:

My treatment method is absolutely new and effective - it will decrease the number of hospital visits, it will reduce the cost of care, it will create jobs, it will increase export, it will be famous all over the world. And it can help soldiers!

I wasn’t sure it was good enough until the soldier part, so it’s a good thing he added that. But why stop there? How about babies? I bet it could help babies too! And puppies and kittens.