Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus  

My next movie night. I do not care how bad this is. It’s got Debbie Gibson, and a mega shark. But it had me at “mega shark.” And I’m listening to an interview with the director on CBC, and he’s a riot. TOTALLY UNAPOLOGETIC.

(See also: Infographic: Mega Shark. Put on your adult diapers first, because you’ll piss yourself laughing.)

You’re going to think I’m completely mad, but the reason I’m so interested in a “mega shark” is that I once had an extremely compelling nightmare about a very big shark, much bigger than the mega shark in this film in fact. In the dream, I knew it to be called the “world shark,” and it was roughly the size of Greenland.

I am not making this up — I actually made this up, in my head, while I was sleeping.

The nightmare had a simple plot, consisting of me sitting nervously at the top of mega-tree, which reached roughly the altitude of high-orbit. I was looking down and watching the world shark surging ominously around the oceans of the planet below, sloshing water over the continents like it was playing in a kiddie pool.

And I was a-scairt.